Ponderings of a Servant

About a week ago, I was filling out a questionnaire for a class. One of the questions asked was something along the lines of “If you could go back and change something in your life, what would it be?” I can’t say that I have always done everything right, but if I could go back, I would probably give myself a letter. I wanted to share with you all what that letter might look like – and maybe somewhere along the way you will benefit from something.

This letter only touches on a tiny bit of what I have learned – but it’s the highlights. If you are reading this and happen to be 19-20, just pray through stuff and see if God has something for you in this. And enjoy the letter.

~ KC

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Dear 19 year old me,

It’s ok. I know you are probably freaking out getting a letter from future you, but trust me – it is for the best. Just take a breath and listen to what I have to say. I mean actually listen, not like you do that half listening thing when you don’t really want to listen to what someone is saying.

Over the next few years you will learn a ton of lessons. So far you have had a great run and done something that many people only dream of doing. But don’t let that go to your head. Pride is the downfall of many people and over the next few years you will deal with learning how not to be prideful, but it isn’t to soon to start now.

You will interact with some really wise people over the next year. They will try to give you some solid advice and you will want to dismiss it, but don’t. Treat your parents with respect and show them love. Be there for your brother every chance you get. Listen to those who you have trusted for years, they know what they are talking about.

Soon you will head to college and that will be it’s own adventure. I don’t want to spoil everything, but learn how to manage relationships now. Talk to mom and dad about how they did relationships and learn from them. Realize that you don’t have to get all A’s, you just have to do your best. And own your faith – but don’t wait till you get to college to do that.

Even when you start to hate college, stick it out. There will be relationships that fail and ones that make lifelong friendships. God has you at college to grow you up, not to push you away. Make your relationship with him the primary focus of your life – even above homework. Oh and when you get stressed, get on your knees and pray. Read the bible more than you do now – and know that God has you in his hands.

You have convictions that have been there all your life – don’t forsake them. Hold strong to them, this will save you from a lot of pain, heartache and problems later. Also know that going in later than other freshman will make things harder on you – things won’t make since and it will be hard to fit in as the years go by. It will be ok. Just continue to follow God in all things.

Enjoy college – don’t stress about everything, don’t worry about every little thing – it always works out (trust me on that one, it may not be how you think it should but it is always best). Take hold of the happy moments and store them away and when things get bad remember those moments.

Protect your heart – it is the wellspring of life. It may take you a little bit to get this, but do it.  Stand with resolve and don’t let anyone sway you from what you believe and what you have been taught. Your parents know a lot more than you give them credit for. Yes, you may chuckle now, but in 3 years you will find yourself knowing what I say is true.

You will experience disappointment, hurt, and loose yourself for a little bit. When this happens, God is moving you to grow – and the other side is amazing. I can’t wait for you to get here.

Don’t take life so seriously, but take God seriously. Learn how to manage friendships and relationships back home as well as the ones up on campus. Ideas at 3am are just a bad idea – don’t do them no matter how great they are. Show love to everyone, even if you don’t want to – and those who may not like you, it’s ok. You will be liked by some, hated by others – but don’t treat them any differently.

It’s ok to mess up. It is ok to not have a clue – learn how to say I don’t know. Learn how to surrender to God and give up your own will. God has some great things for you – I can’t wait to show you in a few years where you have been – it will literally blow your mind.

Priorities – Make God the center, for real not just as a priority you say is the center. Pour into your relationship with mom and dad – it will save your life and make everything so much easier. Friends back home will miss you – don’t neglect them. You will meet new friends, but it’s ok not to trust everything they say – they have good intentions but you are all young and immature.

I wish I could tell you everything that will help you grow in the next few years, but I can’t give it all away. Love one another – and love God. Say you are sorry even if you don’t feel like it, humility is much better than pride, listen to those who are older and follow their advice (stop laughing at me – I’m serious), relax and take it easy, take time to yourself and have a blast.

Always remember that your parents are proud of you – your brother is proud of you and they love you more than anyone you will meet in the next few years ago. And practice what you preach buddy.

Oh and when you go to that concert in November, take the other way home. Just trust me on that.

See you soon buddy – and know that you are loved by your family, friends and most importantly a Creator who is crazy about you.

Sincerely,

22 Year old me

Recently I have been thinking about the concept of leadership. I wanted to share a few lessons that I have learned from leadership over the years. I know there are still a ton that I have yet to learn and I’m eager to embrace them as they come along. So here are a few random thoughts on leadership. They may seem a bit radical, but sometimes the craziest ideas actually work.

1. Leadership is high risk, high reward, and high cost

One of the best examples I have of this concept (which is really nothing new to anyone) comes out of my stent as the Honor Guard Commander for Civil Air Patrol in the state of Georgia. I didn’t ask for the position, it kindof just landed in my lap one day after the current commander stepped down. At first, leading an Honor Guard was easy. We had about 5 people from my squadron that served on the guard and that made things easy. But as I began to lead, I realized that there were so many other cadets that would probably love to do this thing. So we opened it up to the whole wing. A few months later I found myself in front of about 30 cadets. They weren’t all the model cadets, most of them were the people that didn’t have a place in their unit. Somehow, I ended up with all of these cadets on what was supposed to be the most professional group of cadets in the wing. They represented everything that Civil Air Patrol represented and now I had to make them into these professional, high standards cadets. I honestly had no idea how I was going to do it.

I remember thinking in the early days that I had gotten in way to deep. I wasn’t ready for this challenge. It was through these cadets that I learned the most about leadership, integrity, and how to care for others that no one else did. I was under pressure from the wing to make this program succeed, but I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. With the grace of God and some watching of the cadets, I selected 4 to serve on my staff. They weren’t cadets that my superiors thought should be on staff, let alone on the guard, but I believed in each of them.

Through that belief, I was able to see passion come alive. I took risk in giving them task that had to be executed perfectly and I still smile when I remember how they took those task and accomplished them like a boss. Those cadets were some of the most outstanding kids I have ever served with in my life. The band of ragtags became one of the closest group of friends and the most professional kids you have ever seen. All I did was take a risk and believe in them. Thats where I learned one of many life changing approaches to leadership: If you believe in your people, they will fail you, but they will work their butt off to do better and rise above your expectations.

Yes, this took a huge risk on my part. I risked my reputation, my status, my position, and at times even my relationships with others because I believed in these cadets. I smile just thinking about how proud each of them made me, and even today how I am still proud to call them friends. Leadership is a high risk, but high reward job. Sometimes the risk is much higher than the short term reward, but the long term reward is totally worth the risk.

Leadership is also a high cost business. Not only does it cost you money (I don’t even want to count the amount that I spent while commanding the honor guard), it cost you reputation, friendships, sleep, personal time, and even parts of your sanity. I spent days and days organizing, planning, calling, talking, and working on things for Honor Guard. Countless hours spent on the phone with cadets talking with them about their lives (something that most people believe leaders shouldn’t do) and even talking some out of suicides. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I did learn that leadership is not for the weak nor the faint.

My leadership on honor guard also taught me what I believe is the greatest lesson that a leader can ever learn (I’m sure one day I will learn something that is even more monumental than this, but for now, this is my earth shattering discovery). I learned that when push comes to shove, the people above you don’t really matter.

I’m not saying that they shouldn’t matter as people, but when asked to make changes that will hurt your subordinates, a leader stands up and fights. A leader protects those under them, not because the leader has something to prove or anything but that the leader cares for their people.

I remember when I was faced with a choice that would have kept me in good graces with the powers above but I would have had to sacrifice about 10 of the cadets on my honor guard. The new rule would allow me to keep my position but make limitations for the others. I would get to keep my nice title and probably wouldn’t even miss a beat, but those kids would. I spent days thinking about every possible outcome but in the end I choose to say that my cadets were more important than the wishes of my superiors. That was a high risk and high cost move. Ultimately, my stand cost me my reputation, friends, sleep, my position and my livelihood within CAP. Because I choose to protect my cadets and be loyal to them, everything we had spent years building was destroyed in a few months. The aftermath was horrible. Tears were shed, but I found out something. Those people above me are no longer in my life. Those below me, my cadets – they still keep in contact with me and share their lives with me. I consider it an honor to be regarded by them as someone they look up to as a leader. In the middle of the ugly stuff, I stayed true to the people that mattered most – and they had my back.

That principle has shaped the way that I lead. That time years ago was not the only time this has happened, there are a few others much more recent than that. Same senario, different people and events. But in the middle of that first time, something was woven into me that taught me to protect the people that you lead. Maybe I’m a rebel – or maybe I just have a radical form of leadership. Either way, the short term pain is worth the long term reward.

I don’t know if I have introduced anything new to you reading this blog. Hopefully you are encouraged if you are a leader like me or maybe this challenges you to evaluate your own leadership. Hopefully time will allow me to continue to blog about leadership more regularly, but until that time comes I will leave you with a quote:

“If you are a leader and you turn around and no one is following you, you are just out for a walk” – John Maxwell

In Christ,

Kyle

First off, I must apologize for not writing sooner. It isn’t that I haven’t wanted to, but school work has caused me to be unable to write as I have desired. With that being said, tonight I just want to write about random stuff in my head – It probably will not be as polished as my usual writing or even nearly as good – but maybe somewhere along the way you will find something that will encourage you. So here we go.

God. Stop and think on that word for a moment. A word that we toss around, that we say sometimes even in a flippant manner. I don’t want to try to redeem the word, but remind us of something I have been reminded of recently.

Last week was 24/7 prayer on our campus. I remember having the conversations about 3 years ago with some of the people who have really put time and effort into it. It was a crazy dream, 24/7 for one full week. But it was a dream that they felt God saying would be worthwile. And it has been. I couldn’t wait until this year’s 24/7. I felt like God was going to do something – and one of the things that he has brought into my mind is realizing that we are powerful (through Christ of course).

God had the chance to have some conversations with me over the past week – redeeming and refreshing conversations. After getting the honor to pray during the first prayer slot of 24/7, I felt God leading me to read scripture out loud. I don’t know why, but it made the scripture come alive. Even though I didn’t know where to start, God drew me to read Psalms. So I just started reading – but not just flat line, but the more I read the more excited I got. It was like I got a front seat view to what David was going through as he wrote. From the good to the bad, I began to see God’s love story unfold – even just in the first 30ish chapters. And for some reason I was drawn to Ps 18.

Psalm 18 tells the story of when David was being chased by his enemies. He was hunkered down and had no idea how he was going to come out of this place. Death was surly upon him. But he trusted in God, so he cried out to him. And like God does, he heard his cries – and descended from the Heavens on huge clouds of lightning and fought against the enemies with David – bringing David to victory.

I think there are a few things to learn from this scripture – one that I would normally just go and continue reading past. I see a man – David – who is under attack, both spiritually and physically. And the first thing he did wasn’t to go to his mentor, his friends, his advisors or his roommate. He fell before God. God was his first line of communication. I know that I took from this that God is asking me to run to him first – because he wants to be actively involved in our lives. He wants to hear our cries so he can answer them. But not only that – but David started by praising God.

I know that I’m not great at this – praising God first, then trusting, then requesting – but in that moment while reading the Psalm out loud, God seemed to tap on my heart. Maybe he is tapping on yours. You may be scared, or even a bit worried that you aren’t hearing things right. But the Psalm doesn’t stop there. That’s the cool part.

If you doubt that there is a payoff – the psalm goes on to speak of the Lord responding directly to the cries of David. He brings David victory. But not just victory from his oppression, but he honors David. I desire to have that – to be honored by the most high God. God responds to us, but he wants us to commit to trust him first and foremost.

Maybe the key to this passage is that David didn’t utter any words that we don’t utter when we pray. I think the difference is that David trusted with all his heart, mind and soul. Even if God had chosen not to save him, David’s cries were still heard. If the story would have stopped there – I believe that David would still believe without a doubt that his God was on the throne.

So often we have a conditional trust with God. I think we forget to listen to him and allow him to respond, so we get in this cycle of praying, asking for things, “trusting” and then when things don’t get answered – we stop trusting. But trust built out of love isn’t something we can just stop doing – so how does your trust in God relate to your love for him? Can you really love God and still not trust him fully in everything?

I think that we want to trust him, but instead we treat God as a personal vending machine. We trust him to provide for us in everything, when he has something better for us if we just trust him. If we just love him. And most of all, if we love him, we have got to stop taking the trust back and doing it ourselves. We have got to allow ourselves in prayer to stop praying. We need to sit in his presence. That is how we know the father – by studying scriptures and sitting with him.

I want a life like David lived. He was one messed up guy in some areas, but he knew that his power came from God. He spent time with God – not just durring a scheduled devotional or prayer time – but actually spent time with him. If David was here today, I think he would encourage us to live a Ps. 18 life. A life that runs to God first, trust him above all else – regardless of what he does. Instead of running to others, we need to start getting on our knees before Christ and not only praising him, but spending time just soaking in his presence. He wants to take us on an adventure – one that is crazy by the worlds standards – one that pushes us to our limits. One that requires more than we have to give – not so that we give up, but so we learn to allow God to fill in the gaps.

As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.
~ Ps 18:30

Dive Deep,
Kyle